


A Playlist For U

by mjammin420



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF, Trixie and Katya, UNHhhh - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, High School, Pining, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:42:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21725440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjammin420/pseuds/mjammin420
Summary: Katya Zamolodchikova is a senior in high school who falls head over heels for the new girl, Trixie Mattel.
Relationships: Shea Couleé/Sasha Velour, Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova, Violet Chachki/Kurtis Dam-Mikkelsen | Miss Fame
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	1. Crush Culture - Conan Gray

**Author's Note:**

> WeeWoo im gonna try to update this every week, probably every Sunday

Katya had never felt loved.  
Since she was a child, anytime anyone would ever tell her she loved her, she didn’t feel it. She couldn’t feel it. She remembered being five, and having her first kiss with one of the boys in her school. After kissing him, she remembered him and other boys fighting because they wanted to kiss her, and she remembered how their teacher had had to talk to the class about kissing and relationships. She had understood absolutely nothing.  
Why would boys want to kiss her? Why would anyone want to kiss someone so much that they could fight their friends for it? She still didn’t understand.

The only person she had ever fallen for was Tatianna, a senior girl when she was just a freshman in high school. She was absolutely beautiful, and Katya would sit in the lunch table that was closest to her just so she could stare at her while she laughed and talked with her friends. Thinking about it now, she was kind of a stalker. She would follow Tatianna around school, and she even drew her for her art class once.

Seventeen year old Katya was nothing like that. After Tati graduated and Katya passed to sophomore year, she soon became the opposite. Everyone in her grade started dating and kissing each other in the hallways, for Valentine’s Day the student council organised an event were you could buy flowers for your crush and send them either anonymously or with a little note. As you could imagine, everyone went absolutely insane. Everyone was obsessed with the roses. One of her classmates, Sasha, had bought 365 roses for her girlfriend, Shea, to represent their one year anniversary. Katya got none. Nothing, zero, nada. As much as she liked to pretend she didn’t care, she was hoping to find out she had a secret admirer, and she had hoped to fall in love and live out a cheesy high school romcom. She didn’t.

Sophomore year passed, and so did junior year. She made amazing friends, but she never had a single romantic moment (unless you count her making out with Willam at her first party, were she had gotten incredibly drunk). Katya was frustrated, and she refused to get her hopes up again.

“Katya!” 

She focused back into her conversation as she heard Ginger loudly scream her name.

“Sorry, just thinking. You know how it is.”

“No, I don’t know how it is, girl!” Ginger intensely stared at her, her face extremely red. “You never tell me anything anymore. You’ve been acting weirdly all summer, and I can’t even hold a conversation without you being distracted!”

The blonde looked into her friend’s eyes. They were shiny, like glass. A few tears were threatening to fall down her freckled face, and Katya held onto the other’s hands tightly.

“Ginger… I didn’t mean to hurt you-"

“But you did, Zamo,” the brunette couldn’t prevent her heavy tears from running, “you hurt me, you’ve been hurting me for a long time. Do you really not understand?”

Katya left Ginger’s home without saying a word. She walked under the burning sun, which seemed inappropriate for an evening as gloomy as they could come. She walked and walked, the road long and hellish, her head turned downwards, her light green eyes filled with darkness as she tried to understand.  
She couldn’t understand.

She woke up with the sound of her mother’s screams. Her back hurt like hell, and she slowly stood up and opened her door.

“Mom? What?”

“IT’S 8:00 O’CLOCK!”

Oh.  
Shit.

She managed to get dressed in about five minutes. That doesn’t mean she was well dressed, but being anything near late was a consequence that she didn’t want to face. After all, who likes being late on their first day of senior year? It was the last fucking year in which she’d be a high schooler. What could be better than that? Seeing your friends, maybe. That last part wouldn’t work out as nicely as she would’ve wanted, though, because fighting with your best friend a week before your classes start isn’t a great idea. I still have Violet and Fame, she thought, but third wheeling isn’t exactly what I was planning to do during a whole school year.

Her friends Violet and Fame had been dating since the last week of junior year, and she was sick of seeing them kiss and look at each other like they were the single best thing that had happened to them. She was sick of not being able to feel the same way about anyone.  
She chugged a glass of plain white milk while her mom finished brushing her hair, she gave the older woman a kiss on the cheek, and she ran out of the door.

“Miss Chakova, you’re late,” a woman with black hair and red framed glasses greeted her with a cold smile on her face, and Katya could hear the students from the other side of the door mumbling her correct surname.

“Hello, Mrs. Del Rico. Always a pleasure to see you,” the teacher laughed and let the blonde step into the classroom.

As soon as she entered, she thought about a problem that hadn’t come into her mind. Where the absolute fuck was she going to sit now?

She looked towards Violet, but she sat next to Fame.  
She looked towards Ginger, but she sat next to a girl she thought was called something like Kimberly.  
Now that she thought about it, maybe she should’ve made an effort to befriend more than three girls in her whole school. It was too late now.  
She made the walk of shame towards an empty desk, and sat. Alone.

“Well, now we can start,” Mrs. Del Rio was saying when she got immediately interrupted by five knocks on the door.

The teacher opened the door with a heavy sigh, and girl with long, blonde curls walked in. She wore a soft pink blouse and a white pencil skirt, matched with white shiny heeled boots.

“Ah, you must be Tracy Martel! You’re late.”

The girl smiled shyly and apologized, with a voice as sweet as lollipops.

Mrs. Del Rio turned to the class, and put on her brightest fake smile. “Children, we have a new student this year. Her name’s Tracy and she just transferred from Wisconsin,” she turned towards the girl, “you can go sit next to Katie over there.”

Katya’s eyes widened at the mention of her mispronounced name. This could go either way: on one hand, Tracy could be nice and become her friend, which would be great given her circumstances. On the other hand, she could be the exact opposite. Katya was betting on the second option, seeing as she had only befriended around five people during her entire lifetime, and two of them were her grandmother’s friends. Most people found her weird and ran away as soon as they found the chance.  
She was brought back to reality when she felt a cough. The girl beside her was staring at her, and had apparently said something. She was already fucking up.

“Oh, sorry, I was just thinking. Didn’t quite catch what you said.”

“It’s alright,” the girl smiled softly, “it wasn’t anything important. Just a small joke.”

“If it was a joke then please speak up, Mrs. Del Rio’s classes aren’t the most entertaining.”

“Well, I’ll start over,” she acted as if she was sitting down again. “Hello Katie, be thankful that you won’t ever have to meet Tracy Martel, seeing as she doesn’t exist. My name is Trixie Mattel.”

“She does that to everyone. I’m Katya.”

“Aw, I thought I was special for a minute there,” Trixie fake weeped, which made Katya laugh. “I like your pencil case.”

The short haired girl looked down at her red pencil case, which she had painted to resemble the Soviet flag. She could already tell they would get along.


	2. Sex - EDEN

About a week passed by with Trixie sitting besides Katya in their literature class and they already were good friends. They exchanged phone numbers the second day of school, and followed their social medias immediately after. At lunch time, Trixie sat with Katya, Violet and Fame. Two other girls joined shortly after, Pearl and Max.  
They were both courtesy of Trixie, who Katya learned shortly into them knowing each other, wasn’t shy at all. She was a theatre kid. She joined theatre club as soon as the inscriptions were announced, and there, befriended Max.  
She met Pearl in a completely different way. On the second week of school, Trixie skipped chemistry class and hid in the toilet, where Pearl was smoking weed. They bonded over makeup and videogames, who they were both fans of.

Katya was glad to know Trixie was making friends fast, but she wasn’t too glad for herself. She was never a big people-person, and got nervous whenever there were too many people around. She felt small, she didn’t feel safe, she felt judged, and she felt like everyone was judging her silently. She felt alone.

“Hey, Russian hooker!” Katya looked up from her plate, and saw Trixie’s hand waving directly in front of her face, “Tell me the answers!”

“W- What?”

“Oh my g- Bitch I asked you a question, what are you doing after school?” Her tone was annoyed, but she smiled teasingly.

“I’m only doing your mother, Barbara,” the girl in front of her jokingly punched her arm.

“Do you wanna hang out? Go to the mall or something.”

After school was over, Katya waited for Trixie as she packed some copybooks in her backpack, and when she was over they walked to the bus stop. There, they waited. And waited. And waited some more.  
About half an hour passed before they decided to just walk, much to Trixie’s discontent.

“You should just take your shoes off,” Katya said when Trixie whined for the seventh time in five minutes.

The long haired girl looked down at her white heeled boots, replaying her mother’s words inside her head, “Don’t wear those to school, your feet will hurt in an hour.” She shook her head while she held on to Katya’s shoulder, as she took her boots off. Katya opened her backpack and took out a pair of sneakers, to the other girl’s surprise.

“What? I always carry an extra pair of shoes, just in case.”

“In case of what?”

“In case of emergency, for example, my friend’s feet hurting because of wearing stupid high heeled boots to school,” Trixie rolled her eyes and hit Katya’s stomach with her elbow, “Seriously though, why do you wear these to school?”

Trixie shrugged. “I like ‘em.”

Katya stared at Trixie as she put on her sneakers. They were a bit big on her, but it was better than being barefoot. They kept walking down the road, which was surrounded by big green trees; they created shadow over the girls, which was great, as it was a particularly hot day.  
When they finally got to the mall, they were stumped.  
“So, what do we wanna do?”

“I don’t know. You invited me here."

“I just wanted to hang out with you,” Trixie said as she walked forward, “I don’t have a concrete plan.”

Katya followed the longer haired girl through the crowded building; they entered some stores, Trixie always ahead of Katya, Katya always watching Trixie as she talked, walked, or did whatever she did. Trixie was beautiful.  
Katya couldn’t help but smile. Trixie was beautiful.  
The realization hit her like a truck. Trixie was pretty, yes, she knew that as soon as she saw her. Beautiful was on another level. For you to consider someone beautiful you had to like them both in and out. Katya really liked Trixie.

“Honestly, what is the deal with you?” Trixie shook her hand in front of the girl’s eyes, “Earth to Katya, do you copy?”

Katya laughed quietly, and she couldn’t mutter any witty response. She had frozen up completely as she realised how much she liked Trixie. Katya had known her for what, maybe a month? It was probably less than a month. It felt like years, though, and that had to mean something. Maybe it didn’t mean anything and Katya was just making a big deal out of it, maybe this is what love at first sight meant. Like, you click with someone right away. Of course Katya wasn’t in love, she knew that, but did she like Trixie in a “gal pals” kind of way or was it more?  
The rest of that afternoon, Katya kept zoning out. It was a cycle; Katya would zone out thinking about Trixie, Trixie would say something to bring Katya back, and Katya would zone out five minutes later.

“Katya, are you alright?”

Katya zoned back in. She looked at Trixie and saw genuine worry in her expression, something she hadn’t seen before.

“Yeah, yeah, just lost a little bit of contact with reality.”

Katya had hoped that a small hint of a Contact reference would lighten the mood, but it didn’t. Instead, the other girl seemed more worried than before.

“You know you can trust me, right?” Trixie took Katya’s left hand in hers, warming it up. It was amazing how she could do that. Katya’s hands were always cold, and Trixie always managed to warm them up. They made a perfect balance.

Katya looked down. “I trust you. Trixie, you’re the best friend I have right now and I’ve only known you for a month. Does that say something about you or me?”

“I’m not that good at making friends. You just so happened to be kind of perfect,” Trixie looked into Katya’s eyes and squeezed her hand tightly, making small circles on it with her soft fingers. “You’re also the best friend that I have right now, maybe even the best friend I’ve ever had.”

The food court in the only mall that exist in your small town doesn’t seem like the most romantic place. It’s filled with conflicting smells and teens and kids, as well as mostly everyone you know. It’s loud, it’s annoying, and until that day, Katya absolutely hated it. Until that day. That was the exact moment Katya realised she liked Trixie in more than just a friendly way. They sat at a dirty table in the food court eating fries and drinking coke, and Trixie held her cold left hand inside her’s. Katya’s hands weren’t cold anymore, and she wasn’t sad anymore. She felt happy, and she knew that it was because Trixie was there.  
Trixie’s mom picked her up around an hour later, and Katya walked home with a big smile on her face.

The next day at school Trixie gave Katya her shoes back, claiming she had put them in the freezer and perfumed them so they wouldn’t smell like feet. Max was a bit weirded out by this comment, as she had thrown it out of nowhere as they were having lunch, but Katya almost choked on her chicken from laughing so hard. 

They didn’t have literature class that day, which meant that she wouldn’t see Trixie in any of her classes. That was good, because she needed some time to think about her without feeling like it’s weird because she wasn’t right beside her. Why did she like her so much? Katya wanted Trixie to hold her hand forever, keeping her warm, and she couldn’t think of any fucking reason as to why. She had never been bothered by how low her body temperature was, but now feeling her cold hands was hell compared to what she had felt with Trixie. Her long hair was pure honey and soft as a bear, which reminded her of Winnie The Pooh. She loved Winnie The Pooh when she was little, did her crush on Trixie Mattel have anything to do with that? Probably not. What other reason could there be?  
The only logical answer to her question was that Trixie was a with that cast a spell on her. There was no other way for her to fall for her so fast.


	3. Curious - Hayley Kiyoko

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating on Sunday!! Was super busy bc of Christmas. I'm gonna try to write something for this Sunday, but idk if I'll be able to finish a whole chapter. Thanks for ur patience!!!!

A few days passed with Katya playing detective, trying to solve the case of how Trixie Mattel had managed to enamour her in the course of two weeks. She came to the conclusion that Trixie had done nothing but be herself. That raised another question; what the actual, genuine, flying fuck was Katya supposed to do about this? Sure, she could tell Trixie how she felt, but Katya wasn’t stupid. She knew she’d face rejection, and she didn’t know how she would handle that, so she’d rather not take that risk. She didn’t like taking risks. 

Katya thought about Tatianna, and remembered how Ginger had told her that Tati liked girls. Ginger had urged Katya to tell Tatianna how she felt, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. After the seniors had graduated, Katya found out that Tati saw her staring a couple of times and found her cute. She regretted not telling her, and Ginger got super mad when she found out that she hadn’t even tried to reach out. Thinking about it now, Katya knew that telling Tatianna how she felt would’ve been stupid. Freshmen and Seniors should never date.

“Okay, Trix, your turn,” Pearl says with a mischievous smile on her face, “truth or dare?”

They're sitting on the grass at a small park. They agreed to hang out and study, but they finished studying in ten minutes because they were too bored.

“Truth.”

“Pussy.”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m not licking the floor,” Trixie laughs as Pearl groans.

“I’m the only one who ever chooses dare!” 

“Not true,” Katya interrupts, “I chose dare two rounds ago.”

“Okay, you know what? Dare, but don’t make me lick anything,” Trixie sighs as she looks at Pearl, almost pleading.

“Okay, um…” Pearl looks around, looking for something Trixie can do, “I’m stumped. Anyone have any ideas that don’t involve Trixie’s tongue?”

“Go ask that guy for his number.” Fame points at an average looking dude standing some feet away from them.

Trixie’s face goes pink, which is weird, since she’s already wearing tons of blush. Katya stares at Fame, who’s smiling daringly. Violet’s laughing audibly and Max is insisting that it’s a bad dare, but before Katya can agree, Trixie is standing up. The long haired girl walks awkwardly towards the guy, and she comes back a couple of seconds later holding her phone for the other girls to see: she had it.

At the moment, Katya thought that nothing was going to happen. Trixie would be embarrassed for a while, she’d get teased by Fame and Violet, and then she’d delete his number. All of those things happened except for the last. Trixie kept his number, but what was more surprising was that she texted him.   
They hanged out a week after she'd asked for his number at the mall. Trixie went on and on talking about how nice he was and what a great time they had the days after the event, and so she kept meeting him at least once a week. 

Katya would never admit it, but she was incredibly jealous. Every time Trixie mentioned his name, Marcus, Katya would unintentionally frown or sigh. Pearl catched her once and Katya had to make up an excuse for her moodyness, and left to the bathroom so she could have some alone time to think. Trixie wasn't her property, they had met two months ago, they didn't know each other that well. Hell, Katya didn't even know if Trixie liked girls! She was sure that Marcus wasn't just a friend, there was something going on in there. She could tell by the small, shy smile that Trixie wore when talking about him, and by the way her cheeks would become slightly redder whenever someone asked her why she couldn't hang out. 

"Sorry, I'm gonna hang out with Marcus," Trixie said, and Violet rolled her eyes.

"I can't believe this. I've been planning this for like a whole week, you can't just not go!" 

"Sorry, but I haven't seen him in a while and we already planned out everything, I can't just tell him that there was a change of plans!" 

Violet rolled her eyes once again. She had planned a big party on Saturday since her parents were gonna be out of town, and everyone was going except for Trixie. 

"Why don't you come with him?" Max stepped in.   
Katya could see how Trixie's eyes shined. 

It was Saturday morning and Katya dreaded what was to come. She was gonna meet Marcus at Violet's party against her will.   
It was 6AM. She put on a red tank top and black shorts, along with her gray sneakers. She was going for a run.   
Katya loved running. She'd started when she was around seven, when her dad made her join whatever sport she liked. She was obsessed with Naruto at the time, so of course she joined track. Her dad would take her every Tuesday after school, Katya would run around the gym with the rest of the team, and her mom would go pick her up. That was her routine until she turned fifteen, when she got kicked out for smoking in class. She wasn't proud of getting kicked out, so she never tried to join another team after that. But she kept running.   
She mostly ran to calm down; when she'd get a low grade in literature, when her parents were going through a divorce, and now, when her crush was dating someone that wasn't her. 

Katya felt terrible. She kept repeating to herself that Trixie wasn't hers and that she could live a normal life with her as a friend, but she couldn't calm down. Her mind ran along her side, and when her legs got too tired, her mind went even faster. Trixie will forget you, she'll leave you forever.   
She hated how dependent she was. First Ginger, now Trixie. She felt like she couldn't do anything alone. She'd spent most of her childhood alone, but as soon as she met Ginger in middle school, she just couldn't be alone. Ginger was her safe space, so Katya always did anything in her power to please her, so that she'd never leave her. She had fucked up.   
She thought about apologizing, but the problem was that she genuinely didn't know what she had done. Ginger got mad at her for not listening, that was her best guess, but whenever Katya drifted off Ginger would understand; she couldn't figure out why all of a sudden Ginger got mad about something that had happened a million times. 

Katya sat on a bench in the park while her mind ran around inside her head. Suddenly, her ringtone started playing, and when she checked her phone she was it was Violet calling. She didn't have the energy to talk, but she decided to pick up the call because Vi probably wanted to discuss her plans for the party. The dark haired girl didn't even say hello before getting right into the matter at hand, that's how Violet had always been. 

"Is Trixie vegan?" Violet spoke fast, almost urgently, "I think she mentioned being vegan once but I'm not completely sure."

"She's not vegan, she's a vegetarian," Violet sighed, "why?" 

"Oh thank God. I'm planning the food stuff and I just realised I don't have anything vegan. Are crackers vegan?" 

"I don't know, but you should look it up."

"Yeah. Even if Trixie isn't vegan maybe her friend is. What was his name again?" 

Katya frowned at his mention. "Marcus."

"Yeah, Marcus. I'm so excited to meet him, I can't stand Trixie going on and on about him and not knowing if he's actually worth it."

"Yeah, me too. See you at 10:00." Katya hung up before Violet could say goodbye. She didn't say goodbye most of the time, so Katya didn't think she would mind.


	4. Mr. Brightside - The Killers

It was 7PM and Katya was putting on the dress she’d wear at Violet’s party. She’d normally throw on jeans and a t-shirt, but the host had asked her guests to dress up. She wanted to show up in her Contact dress (which was the only dress she owned), but Max had asked her to make an effort, as Violet had been planning this party for a while; she wanted it to be perfect. Her mom had bought a long sleeved dress that had a bunch of designs resembling flowers on it, and as Katya tried it on and looked at herself in the mirror, she knew it was perfect. It was pretty and made her look good, but most importantly, it was comfortable.  
It was 8PM and Katya’s mom was helping her with her makeup. Katya had wanted to do her regular black eyeliner and red lip, but her mom wanted her to look prettier than usual.   
It was 9PM and she was getting into her mother’s car. Vi had asked her to come earlier, as she needed help on the last few details.  
It was 9:30PM when Katya arrived at Violet’s grandparents’ house. Her friend came from a rich family, so the house was enormous, and most importantly beautiful. It was an old house that had been modernised, so the antique architecture was intact, but the electricity and pipes worked perfectly.

“Katya!” Violet hugged her lightly as soon as the door opened, “It’s like the second time in my entire life when I can say that I like what you’re wearing.”

Violet wore an intricately designed see-through gown that was covered in purple jewels in all the right places; very on brand. Katya followed her through the house and spotted purple fairy lights covering the walls, a huge lavender table full of appetizers and drinks, along with glasses, and a big disco ball hanging from the ceiling.

“Did you bring the camera?” Katya nodded as she pulled her camera out of her backpack, along with it’s tripod, “Cool, can you set it up there?”

“Yeah,” the blonde’s eyes followed the direction Violet’s finger was pointing at, and noticed a corner with no fairy lights. Instead, there was a green screen and two studio lights next to it, “did you remember to mention not wearing green in the invitations?”

“Oh, fuck, I didn’t,” Violet ran her perfectly manicured hand along her smooth neck, “I don’t think anyone’s gonna show up in green, though. Hopefully.”

It was 10PM when Fame showed up, and 10:05PM when Max and Pearl did. The guests started arriving at 10:10PM and the house was already full at around 10:15PM. Trixie was nowhere to be seen.

She arrived at 10:40PM, and by her side stood Marcus. Violet walked up to them and kissed Trixie on the cheek, then greeted Marcus. Katya stared at them from behind Violet, and couldn't mutter a word. Trixie hugged her and pointed towards Marcus, but Katya couldn't really hear what she was saying. The music was too loud.   
Violet lead Trixie and Marcus towards the appetizers, but Katya stood still. Her eyes scanned Marcus. He looked nice. He had smiled when saying hi, and Trixie seemed to be really happy around him. They weren't holding hands. 

The night went by with Katya trying not to focus on Trixie. She went over to Pearl and talked to her, then to Max, and then to Violet and Fame, who stood in the garden, away from the others. 

"Hey, Violet, you really outdid yourself," Fame broke the silence that had been formed for a minute, "everything's amazing. Not only the decoration, but the food as well. I didn't know you could cook."

"Oh, I can't," Violet replied, "Ginger helped me."

Katya's eyes widened at the mention of her friend's name. "Ginger? I thought you guys didn't like each other."

"She can be annoying and condescending, but she's still nice. Her old lady bitterness just comes from the desire to help, I can't blame her. Besides, she bakes some great cookies." Violet's head moved to face the inside of the house. "Speaking of…"

Katya moved to see what Violet was talking about. There she was, Ginger, next to a girl she'd seen her with for the last few months; she thought her name was Kimberly but she wasn't sure. They were resting on the wall, drinking. Katya wished she could go up to them and join the conversation.   
Before she could say anything, Violet and Fame went inside, and Katya could see how they joined Ginger and Kimberly. Katya turned around and scanned the garden for somewhere to sit; there were a few chairs here and there, but she chose to sit on a big rock on the corner. She took a cigarette from her purse and smoked, alone. 

"Hey."

Katya looked up to see who was talking. Trixie. 

"Can I sit?" Trixie barely spoke, she was almost whispering. 

Katya nodded and made some space for the other girl, and Trixie sat, her leg touching the other's. 

"Have you been avoiding me?" 

Silence. Katya didn't want to speak. She could lie and say she wasn't, but she didn't want to. On the other hand, she knew that telling Trixie the truth would damage their friendship, and she didn't want that. Ever. 

Katya broke the tense silence with a voice crack. "Do you wanna smoke?" 

"I hate cigarettes."

"Do you smoke weed?" 

"I've done it a few times, but I don't do it often." 

Silence filled the air once again. Katya's chest felt heavy, and she turned off her cigarette. 

"Can you answer my question?" 

"What?" 

"Have you been avoiding me?" Trixie sighed, "It's okay if you have, I just wanna know why. Honestly, don't answer that question. Answer this: why have you been avoiding me? Because I know you have. If you weren't avoiding me you'd have answered that the first time I asked and you wouldn't be so silent."

"Are you and Marcus together?" 

"What does that have to do with this?" 

"I've been avoiding you because you seem really happy with him and I didn't wanna bother." That was technically the truth. 

"What?" Trixie took Katya's arm in her hands, "Are you fucking stupid? I'm a lesbian, you bitch."

Katya could swear that at that moment her heart stopped. She couldn't feel anything but Trixie's hands on her arm. 

"Of course Marcus makes me happy, he's my friend," Trixie was laughing now, and she squeezed Katya's arm tightly, "but you're also my friend! In fact, you're my best friend! You're the person who makes me the happiest. I have no idea if that's grammarly correct, but I don't care, cause you're my best friend in the entire world and you make me so incredibly happy, and it's so dumb of you to think that you'd ever bother me. I love you. I love you, Katya, a lot." 

"Yeah. Yeah okay. That's good." Katya smiled and looked into Trixie's eyes. "I love you too."

"Good. Also, even if I were straight, I would never date Marcus. I can't date smokers." 

When Trixie and Katya entered the house once again, they saw Violet and Fame in the entrance, Fame trying to calm Violet down. 

"Violet? What's going on?" Trixie asked.

"It's Alexis," Fame pointed towards the picture setup with the green screen. Alexis Michelle wore a green dress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending is so stupid but I just had to


	5. Cuz I Love You - Lizzo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAA I'm so sorry!!!! Hadn't updated in like a week!! Was in vacation!! Actually still am but like, I was in a writing vacation. Anyways sorry for not updating. Idk if I'm gonna update every week maybe once every 2 weeks, something like that

It had been a week from the party. Trixie had made Katya talk to Marcus for a while and he was really nice and funny, she understood why he made Trixie happy. Marcus had a car and didn't drink, so he took Trixie and Katya home. They left Trixie first, so Katya got to know him a little bit better. He was sober, so they bonded over that. 

Katya had her first drink when she was 13. She was at her mom's friend's daughter's birthday, she had been invited God knows why, since she hadn't spoken to her since she was 8. The birthday girl was turning 16, and some of her friends had snuck in some beer. She was extremely anxious. She felt like she was gonna puke. The sound and sight of every other kid at the party overwhelming, and couldn't help but sit alone in the corner of the garden. She had been sitting on her phone for around twenty minutes when an older girl came up to her and offered her a beer, telling her it would loosen her up if she drank a bit. Of course Katya drank. After a couple more beers she felt as if there was never any anxiety in her, as if she was confident and carefree. 

After that party, every time Katya was invited to a social gathering she would drink if there was any alcohol. She would drink and drink until she was numb and couldn't feel fear. When she started drinking she couldn't stop, every ten or so minutes she'd have another drink in order to keep calm, and the morning after she'd still be dizzy. She loved it.  
Her mom found out one day and that's when things got worse. Ginger had told her (she'd said she had mentioned it accidentally, but Katya could tell it wasn't the truth), and her mom had grounded her for around four months without going out at all. The first time she went out after that she'd gotten black out drunk and had spent a whole hour inside a bathroom, puking her stomach out. 

After that she'd swore she'd never drink again. She relapsed at times, but it was generally just a bit of wine or beer, nothing severe. She wanted to stay sober at least until she was 21.

"Since when are you sober?" 

"I've been for like a month now," Marcus replied, "it's not a lot but you gotta start from something, right?" 

"Right."

"What about you?" 

"It's been two years since I haven't gotten drunk, but I've drank a bit here and there. So maybe like two months?" 

"That's good. Oh, is it here?" 

Katya looked out the window and saw her house. "Yeah, park behind the white car, right there. Thank you for bringing me."

"No problem. Hey, I'm glad we got to know each other. Trixie is always going on and on about you and I get why she likes you."

"What?"

"Yeah, she always brings up something you say or do. She's always talking about you."

"Oh. That's nice…" Katya smiled, "she's great."

"Yeah, she is. It's getting late and I don't want my mom to kill me so can you please go in?" Marcus laughed and kissed her cheek, then waited until she went inside and left. 

Katya woke up to a text from Trixie and a follow request from Marcus on Instagram. 

Trixie: Hey do u wanna hang out  
Katya: sure  
Trixie: Where and what hour  
Katya: idk do u wanna go to the mall or something Fancier like the other mall  
Trixie: I was thinking maybe we could go to the park and have a picnic? Like lunch

They met at a big park close to Trixie's house since her mom couldn't take her anywhere and she had to walk. It was a nice day, the sun shined brightly and the grass was green, and the best part was that the park was kind of empty.  
Trixie took some vegetarian sushi she'd ordered to her house and organized for it to look pretty, and Katya had brought a bowl of fruit salad that her mom had made for them.  
Katya's mom loved Trixie. Every time Katya mentioned Trixie, her mom's face would light up and she'd start making questions about her ("How has she been? Is she doing well in school? When are you going to invite her to the house?"). 

"We should put on some music. It's really quiet."

"What's the vibe today?" Trixie took out her phone and opened Spotify, "Are we feeling cheesy 2000's pop or angsty 2000's pop-rock?" 

"I'm feeling kinda 70's."

"Oh, that's an odd but welcome choice," Trixie put on Landslide by Fleetwood Mac and took a piece of sushi. 

"Landslide is a weird choice."

"Why? It's a bop."

"It's a sad bop."

"It's a chill bop."

Trixie was really good at singing. She had a soft, kind of low voice, and even if she couldn't hit the high notes sometimes, Katya loved hearing her. Katya loved every single thing about her, but her voice was one of her favorites.  
The song ended and another one started, and Trixie kept singing, and Katya kept listening. They laid in the grass, their shoulders touching. Katya was hyperaware of the fact that they were touching, but her focus soon went from their shoulders to their hands, Trixie's intertwined with hers. 

"I love you so much."

Katya looked over at Trixie, who looked at the sky solemnly, then looked back at her.

"I really do. I've never met anyone like you," Trixie smiled as she talked, and Katya's eyes couldn't keep staring at her smile, "you're so kind, and funny, and trustworthy… And I really love you."

Trixie looked back at the sky, but Katya kept staring at her. 

"Trixie?" 

Trixie turned her head back at Katya's direction, "Yeah?" 

"I love you too." Katya paused as she allowed herself to smile back at Trixie, her heart pounding in her chest. "Can I kiss you?"


	6. The King - Conan Gray

Things got a little bit awkward between Trixie and Katya. Trixie wouldn't look her in the eye, and she avoided any physical contact between them. Every time Katya would talk to her at school, Trixie would try and cut the conversation short, and every time Katya asked Trixie to hang out outside of school, Trixie would decline. 

Truth is, Trixie didn't know what to do. She was nervous that she'd lead Katya on if she was too friendly, she didn't wanna get her hopes up, because she didn't like her as more than a friend. At least that's what she thought.   
At night, she'd lie awake staring at her ceiling, thinking about Katya and their kiss in the park. When Katya had asked if she could kiss her, Trixie didn't know what to do. Sure, she'd told her she loved her, but she had meant it as a friend. She'd kissed her, and it had felt… Nice? Sure, it had felt nice. 

Katya had been having a hard time. When she kissed Trixie it felt right, it didn't feel like when she kissed Willam that one time at Alaska's party. Kissing Willam was funny; kissing Trixie made her entire body melt away with her warmth.   
She couldn’t sleep that night. Well, she could, but she spent approximately two hours rolling around in her bed; she closed her eyes and the taste of Trixie’s strawberry flavoured chapstick came back to her lips, the softness of her long blonde hair came back to her fingertips, and the sound of her laughter came back to her ears. She couldn’t stop smiling.  
Everything sucked at school. Trixie didn’t sit with her the first day they were back in school, and the next week even if she was right next to her physically, it seemed as if her mind was on the other side of the continent. Katya knew that Trixie was avoiding her. She’d never look her in the eye for more than two seconds, she wouldn’t grab her arm when she’d tell a funny joke, she wouldn’t spew out her random thoughts.

And yet, Katya knew Trixie liked her.

It was the small things. When they had kissed, Trixie’s cheeks were rosier than usual, she smiled brightly (with an open mouth, without covering it with her hands, which was rare), she grabbed Katya’s waist firmly. Even before that, when Trixie had said she loved her, it felt like she meant it deeply. It wasn’t what Katya was used to from Ginger, who only said “I love you” when Katya would do her a favour. It wasn’t what Katya was used to from Fame, who had only said “I love you” a couple of times when Katya would do her homework or helped her pick out a picture to post on Instagram. It wasn’t even like Violet’s “I love you”, which had only come once and had felt so special, when she was in tears and Katya was there for her more than anyone else.  
Trixie’s “I love you” was more than that, she could tell.

The awkwardness between them was slowly deteriorating as the long days went by. Two weeks after the kiss, Trixie could look into Katya’s eyes for more than five seconds, and Katya was extremely relieved to notice that she wasn’t avoiding her anymore.  
Lunchtime was normal. Pearl would complain about headmaster Charles, who she had trouble with every week, Max would talk about the latest theatre production the drama department was rehearsing, Violet would play with Fame’s hair as Fame would hold her hand, Katya would say weird shit and Trixie would laugh and retaliate. 

Normal wasn’t enough for Katya. She wanted Trixie as more than a friend, and what she had now wasn’t that. Friendly-Trixie was better than I’m-Ignoring-You-Trixie, but she was worse than I-Love-You-Trixie. Katya wanted to kiss her again, and again, and again, and again, and ag-

“Katya!” 

“What?”

“There’s a party at Aquaria’s tonight,” Violet looked at her nails while she talked, “you wanna go?”

“Isn’t she like six years old? She’s a freshman, right?”

“Yeah, but she has a big house and she invited everyone, including us.”

“She’s nice,” Pearl chimed in, “I’ve talked to her a couple of times.”

“So it’s settled, we’re going.”

Fame picked Katya up on their way to Aquaria’s, and then they picked Trixie and Violet so they could all go together. Pearl was arriving earlier and Max wasn’t going, so it was just the four of them.  
They listened to music and sang on their way there, and when they finally arrived, Katya noticed why Fame would wanna go. Aquaria’s house was HUGE.

There were some teens in the front porch, music and lights boomed from inside, and when a small freshman with platinum-blonde hair with light blue streaks opened the door, Katya could see that the whole house was packed. Everywhere she saw there was a bunch of freshmen or sophomores doing some stupid shit, or juniors and seniors doing even stupider shit. It was the most chaotic environment Katya had been in since Alaska’s party in junior year (a terrible night for Katya’s long hair, she cut mostly all of it off in a game of truth or dare).

“Hey,” Katya poked Trixie’s arm, “Trixie.”

“What?”

“Trixie!”

“WHAT?”

“TRIXIE!”

“I CAN HEAR YOU, I’M JUST ASKING WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY!”

“OH!” Katya laughed, “DO YOU WANNA GO OUTSIDE?”

“SURE.”


	7. Girl I Met On The Internet - GIRLI

A big part of why Katya didn’t like her town was the fact that you couldn’t see many stars. Light pollution wasn’t talked about enough, and that bothered her; ever since she was a child she thought that there weren’t that many stars up in the sky, until when she was eleven, when she went on a trip to the mountains with her mom and could see all the stars above her in perfect clarity. 

“What do you wanna do after school?”

“Hm, I have no idea.”

“Well, what do you wanna do?”

“Isn’t that the same question?”

“What you wanna do is not necessarily what you're gonna do,” Katya laughed at Trixie’s impression of Gia, a girl from the year below them who got famous for fighting with Trinity Taylor in the middle of an assembly, “but really, it’s not the same.”

“How so?”

“What I wanna do after finishing school is travel all over the world, get a girlfriend, become famous and a millionaire, and live a happily long life with my wife and giant doll collection. What I’m gonna do after finishing school is work my ass off the entire summer so I can earn money to pay a good college, which I know my mom won't be able to do. Don't even ask me about college, though, I have no idea what I'm gonna do. I've thought about going into cosmetology, but I don't think I'd earn enough money, and I really wanna earn money."

"Being a makeup artist isn't like, a bad job or anything. I think you'd earn a decent amount of money to live in an apartment."

"Yeah but an apartment isn't enough. I need money not only for myself, but for my family. By family I don't mean my future wife and dolls, I mean my mom and my siblings. My mom won't be able to work for long and I don't know if my little sister is gonna be able to go to college after all her older brothers and sisters go before her." Trixie took a deep breath and held her legs around her arms. "My family doesn't have a lot of money. My dad doesn't pay my mom anything, and my grandparents can't be paying for college plus my house and food, it's too much."

"Well, that's shit."

"Yeah. Yeah it is."

"I don't know if I wanna go to college," Trixie looked at her incrediolously, "I don't know what I could go into, plus, I don't wanna spend the first 24 years of my life studying, 18 is enough."

"Did you study since you were a baby?" 

"Fuck off," they laughed, "you know what I mean. We spend all this time studying and then we have to study again, and then we have to get a job which involves more studying, and I hate studying."

"Maybe you could study something you liked?" 

"I don't even know what I like. Sure, I'm into photography and maybe cinema, but it's not like I wanna spend my entire life behind a camera."

"Well, you didn't answer my question; what do you wanna do?" Trixie imitated Gia once again and Katya blew air through her nose, the universal symbol of small laughter at something stupid but amusing. 

"Die at 27, I don't know."

"If you die before I do I'm gonna come back from the grave and haunt you til the end of your days. I would be sad."

"Would you cry if I died?" 

"Of course I would," Trixie laughed lightly, "I don't think I'd be able to handle it."

"What about your wife, though?" 

"She can take care of my Barbies, I don't know, anything to keep her busy while I cry for a month."

Katya smiled and stared at Trixie, who smiled back. Katya tasted Trixie's lipstick and remembered her touch on her back, and thought about leaning forward and kissing her again. She didn't. 

Trixie thought about kissing her as well, and she was about to, until Katya turned her head away and said something about going to talk to Fame.  
Trixie sat alone for about two minutes until Pearl came up to her with a joint in her hand. They smoked together for a bit until Pearl broke the silence. 

"Am I boring?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"I don't have much friends and I think it's because I'm boring, and like, stoned."

"Not at all," Trixie grabbed Pearl's hand, "I love being with you."

"You're one of the few people who say that. I can tell that Max and Violet get tired of being with me, and Fame and Katya don't even talk to me a lot even if I have lunch and hang out with you all almost every single day." Pearl's voice started quivering and her head lay on top of Trixie's shoulder, "I've been thinking a lot and I have never had a solid group of friends, I've never had a best friend, I've never had anyone to count on when I'm feeling like shit-" 

"You can count on me," Trixie grabbed Pearl's face between her hands, "you're my friend."

"I know I'm your friend, but I hate not being anyone's first choice. I know you'd rather spend your time with Katya, Violet would rather spend her time with Fame, and Max would rather read a book that spend time with me, so I don't have anyone to count on 100%." Pearl wiped the few tears that had slipped from her eyes with her hand, "I don't want you to feel guilty about it because it obviously isn't your fault, but I wish I could just not care that much."

"Before moving I didn't have any friends."

There was a moment of silence before Trixie spoke again. 

"I was friends with this girl called Jaymes, but it never really felt like we were friends because we liked each other, it was more circumstantial. She didn't have friends, I didn't have friends, we had each other's backs."

"How did you become friends with Katya that easily?" 

"When I moved I promised myself that I'd make at least one friend who I liked. Katya seemed nice, so I tried to stick to her, because even if she didn't become my friend I could befriend her friends and everything would be fine. I guess my first pick was just the best of the bunch."

"Why'd you talk to me, then?" 

"You seemed lonely."

"That's fair." 

Katya ran lazily towards the rock where Trixie and now Pearl were sitting as she tried not to drop the cigarette in her hand. Running while smoking wasn't a good idea, but she was too tired to care and honestly she had no regard for her safety even when she was wide awake. 

"Hey, Pearl, ah- you enjoying the party?" Katya said as she tried to catch her breath. 

"Yeah, not really," Pearl eyed Katya's cigarette, "cheers to smoking!" She lifted her joint and Katya did the same. 

"Ugh, I could never," Trixie did a puking motion, "cigarettes are disgusting."

"I like 'em, besides, I'm just smoking 'cause I'm bored. This party sucks, everyone's too drunk."

Pearl and Trixie looked at her weirdly, as if waiting for an explanation, so Katya did. 

"In order to enjoy making fun of drunk teens they have to be a little sober, if they're just completely wasted it's not the same," Katya signaled towards a group of sophomores laying down on the grass, "they're not fun! Who's idea was it to have that many drinks?" 

"Aquaria's just... Like that."

Trixie chimed in, "what if we just leave? There's a park I saw when we were on our way, we could just vibe there."


	8. Ain't Together - King Princess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, im uploading this the day of the second premier of season 12, which is the day that the accusations against Sherry Pie have been confirmed by her. im glad vh1 has disqualified her, as it should be taken seriously. im not going into any detail in order not to trigger anyone, but basically, Sherry has been accused of catfishing men into sending her inappropiate videos by pretending she was part of a casting agency. this is horrible, and im afraid this season of drag race will be hard to watch. brita has also been accused of innapropiate behaviour, but she has said these allegations are false. i always believe the victim, but im really hoping this story is false. anyways, stan gigi goode and rock m sakura.

The park was much colder than Aquaria's house. Trixie couldn't help but shiver every time the slightest current of wind flew by. She texted Fame and Violet for them to know where they were for when they had to leave, and as she put her phone in her purse, she noticed Katya staring at her. She'd noticed Katya staring at her a lot. Every time she laughed, tied her shoelaces, put her hair up, whatever; Katya always stared.   
Trixie had come to a conclusion: Katya liked her. She didn't know if Katya knew she liked her, because if she did, she was sure that she would've told her by now. After all, they'd kissed, and that must have been really weird if Katya liked her, but she hadn't mentioned it. I mean, Trixie knew that if Katya told her she liked her, nothing would change. They'd still be friends, because Trixie loved her, as a friend, and she didn't want to lose her. Surely, Katya knew that. 

Katya had no fucking clue. She caught herself staring at Trixie sometimes, and tried to avert her gaze casually so that Trixie didn't think anything of it. She really, really didn't want Trixie to notice. She didn't want to ruin things, because even if she loved Trixie romantically, she also loved her as a friend. 

"Hey, lesbians!" Trixie and Katya turned to see Violet and Fame walking up to them. They were holding hands, and Violet now wore Fame's jacket. 

"Hey, lesbians," Trixie replied, "can I get a jacket too?" She motioned towards Fame and she laughed. 

"Okay, pussy," Pearl smirked as she took off her leather jacket and handed it to Trixie, who immediately put it on, despite audibly saying she hated leather jackets just a couple of hours ago. 

"We should probably get out of here, or we'll freeze to death. Anyone call an Uber?" 

Ten minutes later they stood at the entrance of Trixie's favourite five star restaurant: McDonald's. They shuffled in like a waddle of penguins escaping a hungry seal, and Pearl ran to the line, followed closely by Trixie and Violet. Katya and Fame sat on a table so they could reserve it, which was kind of dumb, since it was nearly 2 A.M. and there were three other costumers in the entire McDonald's, there was almost no point in picking a table when they had the whole place to themselves. 

"Do you like Trixie?" 

Katya looked at Fame, who had talked all of a sudden. Fame wasn't one to ask about other people's feelings, she usually either talked about herself or didn't talk at all. The only person who Fame actively listened to was Violet; whenever the onyx haired girl spoke you could see Fame smile and stay quiet, nodding whenever she felt it was right.   
Seeing Fame stare at her in all seriousness, waiting for an answer, made Katya uncomfortable. 

Fame spoke once again, without breaking eye contact. "I've seen you acting weird around her, and I'm assuming you like her. Am I right?" 

Katya couldn't manage to cough out an affirmation, so she nodded instead. Fame finally averted her gaze from her and put her hands on the table, reaching out for the startled blonde in front of her. 

"Does she know?" 

Katya shook her head from side to side, and Fame smiled lightly for a brief moment, before putting on her resting bitch face on once again. 

"I think she does," Fame stood up abruptly, "come here." 

“Do you like Katya?” Violet didn’t look at Trixie while she spoke. She rarely did.

“Why?” Trixie tried to keep her voice from wavering as she answered, as her eyes wandered towards anything that wasn’t Violet.

“Just wanna know,” she paused for around five seconds before she spoke again, as if she was thinking of the right thing to say, “I know she likes you.”

The truth is, Katya had never told Violet about her feelings for Trixie. Katya held the firm belief that if she told people about her crushes, they’d become more real to her, and she’d have more trouble forgetting them. Katya didn’t tell anyone. What Katya didn’t know, as the dumb lesbian she was, was that everyone knew regardless of her telling them.   
Violet was the first to notice. After all, she was the most perceptive of the bunch. Violet told Fame everything, so Fame was the second to know. Surprisingly, Pearl noticed shortly after, when Katya laughed at one of Trixie’s awful jokes for the third time that hour. Trixie was the last one to know.  
“How are you so sure? I have my suspicions, but I don’t wanna assume anything based on just a kiss-”

“What kiss?” Violet turned to face Trixie, her eyes widened.

“Well, we kissed one time.”

“Okay, first off, what the fuck. Second, why didn’t you tell me? And third, why didn’t Katya tell me?”

This was the first time Trixie had seen Violet genuinely shocked, and it was kind of surreal. “I don’t know. I didn’t think to tell you.”

“Violet?” The McDonald’s employee raised her monotonous voice as she put a tray with their food on the counter.

As Violet grabbed the tray and walked to the table, she turned to Trixie once again. “Can you go to the bathroom to check on Pearl? I think Fame went with her, but maybe she needs emotional support, she’s most likely puking.”

Fame and Violet were smart. In classes, they always paired up for group projects, and they always got A’s. Sure, grades don’t measure intelligence, but Fame and Violet were a great team. So when Violet realised Katya liked Trixie, her and Fame got to work on an incredibly elaborate plan. They both knew Katya wasn’t good at expressing her feelings, and they needed her to tell Trixie, because they couldn’t handle more of her stupid fucking pining.  
They knew they couldn’t outright tell Katya to talk to Trixie, because she would never. They needed to imply it, but not too subtly; Katya was oblivious. After a while, they realised even if they threatened Katya she wouldn’t say a word, so they needed to get Trixie into it as well.  
So now they were inside a McDonald’s, and their master plan involved Pearl puking, the McDonald’s restroom, and a lot of hope.


	9. Talk Too Much - COIN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, coronavirus. I gotta stay home for 2 weeks but I still have online classes and shit. Not sure if I'll be able to write more than usual, but I'll try to spend my free time in this.

Trixie wasn’t dumb. As soon as she walked into the toilet and saw Katya standing outside the closed door of a bathroom stall she knew what she was getting into. Violet wasn’t sneaky.

“Hey,” Katya jumped a little at the sound of the other girl’s voice, “looking out for Pearl?” Katya nodded, and kept looking at her phone. She didn’t seem too keen on continuing the conversation, and Trixie could see how her fingers tapped the back of her phone, and her feet tapped the ground. Had Violet talked to her as well?

“Uh, did you finish the math guide thing?” 

“Yeah,” Katya didn’t look away from her phone. She was silent, so was Trixie; none wanted to talk. Both knew they needed to, but no one wanted to be the first. 

“Uh, what about the English essay?”

“Yeah.”

“What are you doing it about?”

Katya chuckled lightly. “Contact.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Miss Del Rio told us to write whatever we wanted, so I wrote about my favourite movie. Got a problem with that?” Trixie could see Katya’s little smile, and she couldn’t help to smile a bit as well. “Did Fame talk to you?”

Okay. Trixie didn’t expect that. “Violet did.” Both girls stared at each other knowingly. Fame and Violet weren’t sneaky.

Pearl’s vomit interrupted their moment. “Are you okay? Do you want me to hold your hair, emotional support, whatever you need?” Pearl groaned from inside the toilet, then muffled a little “No.”

Trixie smiled. Why did this moment feel like a teen coming-of-age movie? All that was missing was some Lorde song, preferably Ribs; so of course, she had to play it on her phone. Katya smiled once again, but this time, she smiled brightly. Trixie saw that smile rarely, and she was glad that she trusted her enough to share it with her. “I love your smile.”

“Ugh, shut up, Barbara,” Katya smiled even more brightly, “I love you.”

Trixie flew towards her like a magnet to a fridge and hugged her. She never wanted to let go. “I love you, and don’t tell me to shut up. You know I won’t.”

“Well, I don’t really want you to shut up.”

“That’s not what you’re supposed to say!”

“What?” Katya took Trixie’s shoulders and moved her in order to look her in the face, “What do you mean?”

“You’re supposed to do this,” and Trixie kissed her.

Katya tasted of cigarettes. Trixie usually hated cigarettes, but with Katya it wasn’t as bad. She hated red lipstick, but she didn’t mind getting it on her lips if it meant she was kissing Katya. She noticed Katya used a lot of tongue, and it always bothered her when someone used a lot of tongue, but she didn’t mind, it was Katya.  
McDonald’s bathrooms were disgusting before that moment. Okay, maybe they were still disgusting during that moment, but Trixie felt like it was perfect. The first time Katya had kissed her was different; it had been a small peck, it was just a taste. Trixie was glad they were doing it again, and she never wanted to stop.  
Unfortunately, it did stop. Katya let go, looked her in the eyes for about five seconds, and left the bathroom without saying a word.

Why was Trixie messing with her? Was she even messing with her, or did she have real feelings for her? But if she had feelings for her, why hadn’t she said anything? Katya had made it pretty clear. She needed clarity in her life, why wasn’t Trixie clear? She couldn’t stop thinking.

“Fame?” Violet and Fame were sitting in their table, eating their fries. They both looked at Katya with a grin on their faces, probably looking for her to tell them that she and Trixie were getting married. “Can you call me an Uber?”

Katya arrived to her house with Fame, who wouldn’t let her get in an Uber alone at 4 AM. Her mom was waiting for her in the living room, she never went to sleep before Katya would arrive home from a party; Katya loved how worried about her she was all the time. As soon as Pat saw them, she could see her daughter wasn’t fine. First sign of a sad Katya was her fake smile; the second sign was her smudged eyeliner; and the third one was just saying hello when she came in, no funny remarks. Pat could also see the pink lipstick on her lips, which was extremely unusual in her daughter.

“Katya,” her daughter turned to see her before going up the stairs, “I love you.”

Katya smiled, her real smile. “I love you too, mom.”


	10. Sober - Lorde

Katya woke up without much of a hangover, but when Violet asked her, she said that she had. They had planned to get together for brunch, but Katya was way too out of it to talk to anyone, which was a shame since Fame had slept over, and Fame talked a lot. 

“Good morning,” Pat stared as Katya went down the stairs, a cup of coffee in her hands, “how’d you wake up?”

“Fine,” she looked around the living room and kitchen, “where’s Fame?” 

“She left like five minutes ago. I told her to stay for breakfast, but she said you needed some space,” her mom looked at her coffee mug for a while, then looked back up at her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You can tell me.”

Katya wasn’t much of a crier. The only times she cried was when she was alone in her room at night, when nobody could see or hear her; but she couldn’t handle it anymore. Her eyes itched and the tears wouldn’t stop clouding her vision, which she found was much more uncomfortable in the light of day. Her mom got up from the couch slowly and hugged her, wrapping her in her warmth. She sobbed into the woman’s shoulder, not letting her go from the embrace. When she finally stopped, she grabbed her mom’s arms in her arms and softly pushed her away. She couldn’t look her in the eye, so she stared at the floor and then walked away.  
She loved her mom, but talking about her feelings was not something she did often, even less to her mom, who would just worry and ask too many questions.

She had five messages from Trixie.

Trix (just for kids):  
\- hey   
good mornng  
fuck morning*  
i guess youre still sleeping???  
text me when u wake up

You:  
\- Hey  
Mornng

Katya didn't know what else to say.

You:  
\- Hangover?

Trix (just for kids):  
\- my head is spinning and i am now blind  
you didnt drink right???

You:  
\- No

Trix (just for kids):  
\- so u remember what happened 

Katya chose not to answer. She knew the dreaded question was coming, but she hoped it’d be a little easier to answer. Sure, she remembered uncomfortably well, but did Trixie want her to remember? Trixie was drunk. Not as drunk as Pearl, but she had drunk some stuff.

Trix (just for kids):  
\- dont leave me on read   
we need to talk about it even if u dont want to  
ur the one who left without saying anything

You:  
\- Yeah I remember

Trix (just for kids):  
\- why did u leave???  
did i do somethign wrong  
something*

You:  
\- You didn’t do anythign wrong

Trix (just for kids):  
\- fuck u im trying to talk here dont bully me  
i know u like me  
why would u leave

You:  
\- Because you were drunk  
I didn’t want you to do something you’d regret

Trix (just for kids):  
\- hm thats valid

Neither texted again. Katya was getting more and more anxious with every passing moment, and texting would only make it worse. When her phone vibrated, she almost went into cardiac arrest.

Fame:  
\- Howd you wake up??  
Sorry for leaving so early

You:  
\- It’s okay  
How’s your head?

Fame:  
\- Fine  
Did Trixie text you??

You:  
\- Yes  
She asked if we could talk about it but I pussied out 

Fame:  
\- Typical  
You should really talk to her, I dont want you two being all awkward

You:  
\- I hate being sober

Fame:  
\- Yeah, me too


End file.
